Most couples think they know how to talk to each other. But knowing how to talk and communicate are two completely different things.
Why Good People Have Bad Fights
Smart, loving couples can have the worst arguments. It’s not because they don’t care.
They care too much and don’t know how to show it without things going sideways.
You probably recognize these patterns:
- One person brings up an issue, the other gets defensive
- Small disagreements turn into fights about everything else
- Someone shuts down while the other person gets louder
- You stroll off feeling wronged and angry
It is not that you do not love each other. The thing is that you are both trying to prove to be right rather than trying to understand one another.
Learning to Actually Listen
Listening is not holding your breath until it is your turn to speak. It is not reciting in your mind what you are going to say next when your partner is speaking.
Real listening means you’re trying to understand what they’re feeling.
In couples therapy, couples learn to:
- Stop interrupting even when they disagree
- Ask questions to understand instead of asking questions to prove a point
- Repeat back what they heard before responding
- Notice when they’re getting triggered and take a break
This sounds simple, but it’s hard when emotions are running high. That’s why you practice it in a safe space first.
How to Fight Without Destroying Each Other
Every couple fights. The couples who stay together just fight better. They learn how to disagree without attacking each other’s character or bringing up every mistake from the past five years.
You’ll learn specific ways to:
- Talk about what you need instead of what your partner does wrong
- Stay focused on the actual issue instead of everything else
- Take breaks when things get too heated
- Come back to finish conversations instead of avoiding them
The aim is not to avoid disagreeing. It aims at disagreeing in a way that solves and does not create the problem.
Saying What You Really Mean
The big fights are never over the dishes, money, or who will have the turn to walk the dog.
They’re about feeling ignored, unimportant, or taken for granted.
Couples therapy will train you to know what you are feeling and how to express it so your partner can listen to you.
When you communicate what you mean, your partner can respond to the problem rather than responding defensively about another thing.
Getting Past the Same Old Arguments
Every couple has those fights they have over and over. Same topic, same frustration, same ending with nothing resolved.
These are the patterns that get stuck when you are both working on solving the wrong problem.
A good therapist can make you work out what is really happening behind the surface argument.
Once you understand what you’re fighting about, you can start working on that instead of just going in circles.
How We Help at Doria Therapeutic Group
At Doria Therapeutic Group, PLLC, we work with couples tired of having the same fights and ready to learn how to actually talk to each other.
We guide patients toward wellness. We take time to understand each patient’s history, challenges, and goals.
Dr. Michael Doria brings extensive experience in crisis intervention and trauma treatment, understanding how past experiences can affect current relationships.
He is adept at working in one-on-one or group settings, guiding the dynamic and providing effective solutions to challenging situations.
Our couples therapy helps you:
- Learn to communicate during conflict without making things worse
- Build trust through honest, respectful conversations
- Develop conflict resolution skills that actually work
- Create stronger emotional connections through better understanding
Treatment plans are personalized and collaborative! We ensure care is aligned with each individual’s needs.
What Works
The couples who see the biggest improvements are the ones who practice these skills at home, not just in sessions. You’ll get specific techniques to try between appointments:
- Weekly check-ins to talk about small issues before they become big ones
- Time-out signals when conversations start going off track
- Ways to repair things after arguments
- Daily habits that keep you connected
Learning to communicate better doesn’t happen overnight. However, most couples start noticing changes within a few weeks of using these tools.
The team at Doria Therapeutic Group, PLLC helps couples learn to communicate in ways that work.
We focus on giving you practical skills you can use right away to start feeling more connected.
Contact us to see how we can help you and your partner understand each other better.
Common Questions
What communication skills do you learn in couples counseling?
You get to know to listen without taking on the defensive, how to articulate needs, fight over actual problems rather than superficial ones, and recover relationships post-fight.
How long does it take to improve communication in couples therapy?
Some of the couples report of an improvement after a few sessions though sustainable change may take 8-12 sessions of regular practice in the therapy.
Can couples counseling help if we fight constantly?
Yes, and particularly when you fight all the time. Fighting a lot normally implies that you love each other but do not know how to maintain communication.
Conflict can be drastically decreased by learning more effective skills.
What if only one person wants to work on communication?
Although it is preferable when both individuals are engaged in the process, even a single person altering their communication style can alter the balance.
